wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
