some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
