I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
