i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I am one with the molecules
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
