I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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