i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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