forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize