It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
