just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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