Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
