While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
why do cheetos always look like penises
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
