if you like me you must not know who I am
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
