I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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