; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My nipple is on Facebook.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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