home. puking in laundry basket.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
