i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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