just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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