I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
