come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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