You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
