I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
