There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
