ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
