I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
