I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize