i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My penis needs a shock collar
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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