one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
