i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
