Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize