Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
