my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
