The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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