i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize