I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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