i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
