I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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