He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
