oh god the rape fog is back!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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