just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
