She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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