Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
