the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You smell like stripper and shame
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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