I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
