i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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