Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
