you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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