i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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