So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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