I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
