I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
