i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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