Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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