The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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