I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
