Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I AM VODKA MAN
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
