Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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