i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
