Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
