here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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