I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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