Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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