He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
