on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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