I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
