Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
