I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
50% drunk capacity currently
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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