Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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