WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
and you fell through a lawn chair
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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