I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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