You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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