he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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