Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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