Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
