It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
