the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
