ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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